Depression

Depression. It's not a cheery subject but one with stigma and very misunderstood. You can still be the life and soul of the party while wondering how your family would cope without you when you're on your own. I try to be real with my social media statuses and the ones you see me having fun with my family are very real. I *am* having fun. I have a great set of friends around me and I laugh lots. I sing (badly) and I have people who still love me despite this. Statuses about isolation and depression aren't such a crowd pleaser though. My reality is I'm bed bound unless someone is with me. My son died. I can't even go downstairs and get cornflakes on my own. This inevitably leads to depression. 

The truth is on Friday I came of some tablets I've been taking for over six years and yesterday started some antidepressants. The reality of that is terrible withdrawal symptoms and a brain that won't shut off. Did I have a great time today? Yes! I'm still suffering though. Suffering is a great way to describe depression as you really do suffer. You don't live with it, rather it seaps into your brain as a result of chemical changes and distorts your perspective. Mine is mainly circumstantial but with a family history I am probably more prone to it. 

There is so much stigma surrounding depression that we must open up more and talk about it. It affects so many people. When I broke my foot I stubbornly waited two days before I went to hospital. With my depression it's been months before finally on Thursday I said to chris I can't do this anymore. I need help. I went to the doctors and she'd heard it many, many times before. I'm also getting counselling so I'm feeling positive I will get my mental health back. It's not all rocking in a corner. It's highs and lows and trying to get through one day at a time. It's not an easy subject but I've proven in the past I'm strong and if this inspires someone else to get help then it's worth it.